I held the infant Diesel in my arms back in 1997. She laid on her back and looked at me with those eyes. How could I say no? What I did wonder was, what was wrong with her ears? Turned out that was ring worm. She spent the next 6 weeks of her kittenhood in a cage. She got daily baths, infected hair shafts plucked with tweezers. Perhaps that's why we shared a very tight bond. We had that bond for 16.2 years. Until Monday January 27, 2014.
As we sat there together Sunday night and looked at each other I thought about her life. She was always so full of energy and enjoyed so much of what life and what I had to offer her. She purred when I petted her, she stood on the desk during the day and laid on the keyboard.
I had come to the point that my duty as Diesel's guardian was to protect her from all hurts and discomforts, from all distress and suffering. I know she wanted nothing more than to have the sick feelings go away. She couldn't make this happen on her own. She trusted me and I now had to protect her from the hurts of her illness, knowing that no medicine, no treatment, no medical technique, and not even my love for her could stop the hurts any more.
When she was the tiniest little kitten, I'd promised Diesel and all my pets, that I wouldn't let anything hurt them, that I would be their protector to the very end of their life. Now, over 16 years later, in what was by far her greatest time of need, I was not going to let her down. To protect Diesel, I would have to bring our 16-year companionship to a permanent end and say goodbye as I ordered the ultimate protection and the ultimate comfort.
She fell peacefully asleep, never to awaken. I miss her. I had done what she depended on me to do, what I had vowed to do, at her time of greatest need. I like to think that she is grateful for the choice I'd made.
Godspeed my little girl, wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge. Say hello to those who have come before you and wait with you until it's my turn to meet you again. Goodbye forever my beloved little girl Diesel.
